Bacon’s Essays – Of Friendship
Of Friendship
Key Takeaways
- Friendship is a vital and multifaceted relationship that provides emotional comfort, intellectual clarity along with good counsel, and practical support.
- A true friend helps share emotional burdens like griefs and fears.
- Without friends, even a crowded city feels desolate.
- Friendship doubles joy and halves sorrow.
- Even great rulers needed friends to share their cares.
- Keeping emotions bottled up weakens the mind.
Summary and Interpretation
In the essay, Of Friendship, Bacon begins by referencing a well-known line from Aristotle’s Politics: “Whoever delights in solitude is either a wild beast or a god.” He partly agrees with it as he acknowledges that a natural dislike for society makes a person somewhat like a wild animal. However, he strongly disagrees that this solitude resembles divinity, unless it stems from a higher purpose, such as a desire for spiritual reflection or engagement with profound ideas. This quality, he notes, was falsely attributed to figures like Epimenides, Numa, Empedocles, and Apollonius, but genuinely found in ancient hermits and holy figures of the church.
The author further elaborates that solitude is often misunderstood. Simply being surrounded by people doesn’t guarantee companionship, as a crowd without love or connection is no better than a gallery of lifeless pictures or meaningless noise. He quotes the Latin adage “Magna civitas, magna solitudo” (“A great city is a great solitude”) to emphasize that in large cities, genuine fellowship is often lacking because friends are scattered. Finally, he says that true solitude arises from the absence of genuine friends. Without meaningful friendships, the world feels like a desolate wilderness. He asserts that individuals who are naturally unable to form friendships display traits that are more beast-like than human.
In his essay Of Friendship, Bacon highlights three key benefits of friendship, which are as follows:
1. First Benefit: Emotional Support
Bacon discusses one of the main benefits of friendship: the ability to share and ease the emotional burdens of the heart. Just like the specific medicines are used to treat parts of the body, such as “sarza to open the liver” or “flowers of sulphur for the lungs,” there is only one remedy for the heart—“a true friend.” This friend allows a person to express their “griefs, joys, fears, hopes, suspicions, counsels,” and anything else weighing them down, much like a kind of confession or “civil shrift.”
He explains that even kings and rulers value this benefit of friendship. However, because of their high position, it’s hard for them to find true friends among their subjects. To experience this closeness, they often raise certain people to be their equals or close companions, even though it can sometimes cause problems. In modern terms, these companions are called “favorites” or “privadoes,” suggesting privilege or special treatment. But Bacon prefers the Roman term “participes curarum,” which means “sharers of cares.” This phrase shows that the true purpose of such relationships is to share burdens. He also points out that even the wisest rulers in history sought out trusted companions, whom they considered real friends.
Bacon gives examples of famous leaders who valued friendship so much that they elevated certain individuals to great positions of power and influence, even when it came with risks or challenges. Sylla raised Pompey so high that Pompey openly challenged him, declaring that people admire the “rising sun” more than the “setting sun.” Caesar trusted Decimus Brutus so much that he named him as an heir in his will, second only to his nephew. However, Brutus later betrayed him. On the day of Caesar’s assassination, when Caesar considered dismissing the Senate due to bad omens and his wife’s dream, Brutus gently persuaded him to stay, which led to his death. Brutus was so influential that Marc Antony called him a “witch” in one of his letters, implying he had enchanted Caesar. Augustus favoured Agrippa, a man of low birth, so much that his advisor warned him to either marry his daughter to Agrippa or eliminate him. Tiberius was so close to Sejanus that the Senate dedicated an altar to their friendship, while Septimius Severus favoured Plautianus to the extent of forcing his son to marry Plautianus’s daughter and even wishing Plautianus would outlive him.
Bacon points out that these rulers were not particularly kind or selfless people—they were wise, powerful, and focussed on their own interests. Despite their wisdom, power, and familial bonds (wives, sons, nephews), they still found their happiness incomplete without true friendship. This shows how essential friendship is, even to the most powerful people.
Bacon highlights the dangers of not sharing one’s thoughts and emotions with others. He gives the example of Duke Charles the Hardy, who never shared his worries with anyone, and this eventually weakened his understanding. Similarly, King (Lewis) Louis XI, known for being overly secretive, suffered because of his unwillingness to open up, making his secrecy a source of torment. Bacon uses the metaphor from Pythagoras, ‘Eat not the heart,’ to emphasize that those who lack friends to confide in (share their thoughts and feelings with) essentially consume themselves emotionally, and become ‘cannibals of their own hearts.’
Bacon then describes the benefits of sharing one’s joys and griefs with a friend. He says that sharing happiness with a friend amplifies the joy, while sharing sorrow lessens the burden. In his words, “it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in halves.” Bacon compares this to the magical stone of alchemists, which was believed to bring many benefits, and he says that friendship has a similar positive impact on the mind. He also explains that when unity exists in nature, it strengthens and supports natural processes, and it softens anything harsh, which shows that friendship makes life more balanced and easier to handle.
2. Second Benefit: Intellectual Clarity and Good Counsel
Francis Bacon explains that the second benefit of friendship is more about the mind. He says that friendship is not just emotionally comforting but also intellectually beneficial. Friendship creates emotional peace and happiness, like a clear, pleasant day after emotional storms and troubles. Similarly, friendship brings clarity to the mind, like sunlight dispelling darkness and confusion. A conversation with a friend helps to clear up muddled thoughts. This mental clarity does not result solely from receiving wise advice from a friend. Even before advice is given, the act of speaking to a friend allows a person to see his ideas and concerns more clearly, to arrange them in a better way, and to understand them more deeply. This act of sharing often makes us “wiser than [ourselves],”because we discover more in dialogue with a friend than in hours of thinking alone.In conclusion, Bacon asserts that a person becomes wiser after an hour of conversation with a friend than after an entire day of silent reflection because talking allows thoughts to develop more effectively. He emphasizes this point by stating:
finally, he waxeth wiser than himself; and that more by an hour’s discourse, than by a day’s meditation.”
To illustrate his point, Bacon uses a metaphor from Themistocles, who said that unspoken thoughts are like a folded tapestry. A folded tapestry hides its design, but when “cloth of Arras” is opened, the imagery becomes clear. Similarly, unspoken thoughts are hidden and unclear until they are expressed. Sharing them with a friend is like unfolding the tapestry that allow us to see the full beauty and structure of our ideas.
Bacon explains that even if a friend doesn’t offer advice, simply sharing thoughts with them can help us think more clearly. He says this process “bringeth his own thoughts to light,” much like sharpening a blade on a whetstone. The whetstone does not cut itself but helps the blade become sharper. In the same way, a friend provides a space to sharpen our thinking, even if they don’t guide or advise us directly.
Finally, Bacon warns against keeping thoughts bottled up inside. He states,
a man were better relate himself to a statua, or picture, than to suffer his thoughts to pass in smother.”
This means that it is better to express thoughts—even to a statue or an object—than to leave them unspoken. Keeping thoughts inside leads to confusion, while sharing them brings clarity. Friendship, therefore, plays a crucial role not only in emotional comfort but also in intellectual growth.
To fully understand the second benefit of friendship, Bacon introduces an additional and more obvious point: the valuable and honest advice or counsel that a friend provides, which is something commonly observed by people. Bacon refers to Heraclitus, who said, “Dry light is ever the best,” meaning that the clearest understanding comes when emotions do not cloud judgment. Advice from a friend is often more objective and pure than the thoughts a person forms on their own because personal feelings and habits can influence decisions. A friend’s counsel helps an individual see things more clearly and free from emotional bias.
The light that a man receiveth by counsel from another, is drier and purer, than that which cometh from his own understanding and judgment.”
Bacon argues that there is a significant difference between the advice people give themselves and the advice they receive from a friend. He states that no one flatters an individual more than they flatter themselves. People often convince themselves that they are right, even when they are wrong, which can lead to mistakes. However, a true friend speaks honestly, even if the truth is hard to hear. Bacon believes that “there is no such remedy against flattery of a man’s self, as the liberty of a friend,” meaning that a friend’s honest advice helps a person avoid the trap of self-deception.
Bacon identifies two kinds of advice:
- advice about personal behavior (manners) and
- advice about practical matters (business).
Regarding personal behavior, he states that the best way to keep the mind healthy is through a friend’s honest feedback. Self-reflection can sometimes be harsh and discouraging, like a strong medicine that is too bitter to swallow. Reading books on morality may seem lifeless or uninspiring, and trying to learn from observing others’ mistakes may not apply to one’s situation. Therefore, the most effective and beneficial remedy for self-improvement is the honest advice of a friend because it works well and is easier to accept.
The best preservative to keep the mind in health, is the faithful admonition of a friend.”
Bacon points out that many people, especially those in positions of power, make foolish mistakes because they do not have friends who are brave enough to correct them. This lack of honest feedback can damage both their reputation and success. He compares such people to those who look in a mirror but immediately forget what they look like. Without honest feedback, they lose sight of their true selves.
They are as men that look sometimes into a glass, and presently forget their own shape and favor.”
When it comes to business (practical matters) or important decisions, people often believe they can manage everything on their own. Some think that having another person’s opinion does not add much value, just like believing that “two eyes see no more than one.” Others assume that because they are directly involved, they understand the situation better than an outsider. Bacon disagrees with this belief and emphasizes that good advice is crucial for making sound decisions and correcting mistakes.
The help of good counsel, is that which setteth business straight.”
Some people choose to seek advice from different individuals for different matters, which Bacon considers better than seeking no advice at all. However, he warns that this approach carries two risks:
a) First, the advice may not be honest or sincere because most people, except true friends, give advice influenced by their own interests.
b) Second, even well-meaning advice can be harmful if it is inconsistent, containing both helpful and harmful elements, like mixing both medicine and poison.
Bacon compares this to consulting a doctor who may be good at treating one illness but does not fully understand a person’s overall health. This doctor might cure the immediate problem but unintentionally cause harm elsewhere. In the same way, advice from people who do not know an individual well can create new problems, even if it solves the current issue.
In contrast, a true friend knows a person’s life well and will consider the bigger picture when giving advice. Such a friend ensures that helping with one problem does not lead to another issue. Bacon concludes by advising people not to rely on scattered advice from different sources because it can be confusing and misleading. Instead, consistent and thoughtful counsel from a trusted friend is more reliable and beneficial.
Rest not upon scattered counsels; they will rather distract and mislead, than settle and direct.”
3. Third Benefit: Practical Assistance
Bacon has already discussed two benefits of friendship: emotional peace and intellectual support. Now, he introduces the third benefit, comparing it to a pomegranate, which is filled with many seeds. This metaphor suggests that the third benefit contains many smaller advantages within it. The third benefit of friendship is practical support—having someone who helps in various activities and situations in life.
To understand how valuable friendship is, Bacon suggests thinking about all the things in life that a person cannot do alone. This will reveal how necessary friends are. Ancient thinkers claimed, “a friend is another himself,” but Bacon believes this is an understatement because a friend can do even more for you than you can do for yourself: “for that a friend is far more than himself.”
Bacon explains that people often have strong desires to accomplish certain tasks in life, like arranging a child’s future or completing an important work. However, life is uncertain, and people may die before fulfilling these goals. A true friend ensures that these desires live on and provides a sense of security. Thus a person essentially lives two lives—one in their own actions and another through their friend’s support.
A person’s physical body is limited to one place at a time, but through friendship, it’s as if they have an extension of themselves—a “deputy” who can act on their behalf in different places and situations. This means that through a friend, a person can get things done that they wouldn’t be able to do alone. There are many situations where a person cannot act or speak for themselves without feeling awkward or inappropriate. Sometimes, a person feels uncomfortable asking for favours or begging for help because it may hurt their pride. However, when a friend speaks on your behalf—whether it’s to praise your achievements or request something for you—it sounds natural and graceful, unlike when you do it yourself, which can feel embarrassing.
Bacon further explains that personal roles create boundaries in communication. For example, “A man cannot speak to his son but as a father; to his wife but as a husband; to his enemy but upon terms.” These roles carry expectations that limit how freely one can express themselves. In contrast, a friend is not bound by such roles and can speak or act appropriately based on the situation.
Finally, Bacon concludes that listing all the benefits of friendship would be endless because there are so many. He asserts that the value of friendship is boundless. Without friendship, life loses its depth and meaning. In other words, friendship is essential to living a complete life.
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